song of solomon 2

for the winter has past and the springtime has come
and you’ve renewed me and you’ve called me
yours

I believe it
I receive it
your love, your refreshing

I want you, deeper, deeper, deeper still
I’m not content with yesterday’s good
the winter has past and the springtime has come

I believe it
I receive it
you’re love, you’re refreshing

you are mine and I am yours
safe within your arms
alive in your beauty
a flower opening

I believe
I receive
you

Tuesday Evening

I liked that shaky vibrato
That you smoked first
To not sound like a church boy
Mostly, though,
I liked the vulnerability
Fans and red guitar
The tinny taste of warm coke
You being you

dance

we were walking, I remember
to the very end of campus
to the dome shaped building
you looked at me for too long
self-conscious now, I looked at the sky

you are too lanky and maybe a little effeminate
so self-indulgent
I remember thinking that
but something about that foolish grin
something about your sincere happiness
something

freckles and blue eyes

a full moon
I hadn’t decided what I felt about you
only that I liked your company
I sat down

Of course you joined me on the cold grass
avoiding your stare
there was a ring around the moon
we both made a remark about it

pulling out your iPod
you asked if I've heard Beirut
each of us had an earpod in
with outstretched hand
you pulled me up

moonlight and clumsy waltzing
I won’t forget
such a sucker for smiles and accordions
so simple and honest

one, two, three

I will seek you
In my weakness
Finding strength in being raw

I will trust you
In the muddle
Knowing that you see it all

I will find you
In the quiet
Waiting for your safe embrace

I will love you
In the open
Seeing people as your face

growth

small, contained, wanting
but buried within your love
winter begets spring

& Bit by Bit, I'll Let Go

I remember sitting on the heat vent
sun in my eyes, my little toes on sticky linoleum
begging my mom to talk to him
sputtering nonsense between gulps of air
to be heard, to make a point


maybe that's where this started
this need to be noticed
this need to prove myself
this need to justify my feelings

this is a start to let go
an ending
because ends are beginnings

open and ready

it’s just that my days are marked
with painful normalcy
tables and chairs
people and their dreadfully dull conversation
the “would you like cream and sugar” and “any dessert today?”
feeling trapped within my building, my job, my role

and tonight it compounded into frustration and bitterness
but not that clear
it was more longing for newness and freedom
for a road trip
for a breeze and a song
sunshine and toes and dirt
it was feeling my lack

I went to my old elementary school
with little white sneakers
and I made my way to the swing set and faced the big field
and childishly pumped and pumped
until the stars seemed closer with every swoosh
silly exhilaration took over
hair a mess
eyes wide
I got a sense of what I wanted

I want an eagerness, a steadiness
a movement forward
I want to forget my yesterdays
I want to shake off my boxes, my boundaries, my logic
and plow into the unknown
I want to live deeply

I want to jump even though I might fall.