open and ready

it’s just that my days are marked
with painful normalcy
tables and chairs
people and their dreadfully dull conversation
the “would you like cream and sugar” and “any dessert today?”
feeling trapped within my building, my job, my role

and tonight it compounded into frustration and bitterness
but not that clear
it was more longing for newness and freedom
for a road trip
for a breeze and a song
sunshine and toes and dirt
it was feeling my lack

I went to my old elementary school
with little white sneakers
and I made my way to the swing set and faced the big field
and childishly pumped and pumped
until the stars seemed closer with every swoosh
silly exhilaration took over
hair a mess
eyes wide
I got a sense of what I wanted

I want an eagerness, a steadiness
a movement forward
I want to forget my yesterdays
I want to shake off my boxes, my boundaries, my logic
and plow into the unknown
I want to live deeply

I want to jump even though I might fall.