need

i need exhalation

i am reminded within the hollows

within the sunlight

driving too fast

thinking, thinking

the silence

i need a sound

i need a purpose

together

stromboli in the

oven

it is apparent that

I’m

not the same

messy about emotions

laughing about it

together

shrubs and trains and milkweed

surround the hill

you just hold me so sweetly

something I cannot

let go of

I need the familiarity of family

coming home

to mom singing African hymns and

bringing flowers for grandma

let’s talk about nothing and something

the release of the day in my mother’s wink

at the table with everyone

while grandma rambles on
and Simon grabs more watermelon

the light in my little room as the world

darkens

the white blanket and pages and pages

of fashion

inward

it is because I am afraid

not because I am any better

it is because I don’t want to see

the mess of emotion

the unsorted words

and heaviness

I am afraid of the sensation of

losing control and saying things

I do not mean

or maybe deeply mean

I wouldn’t want that transfer

to define the ones I love

current

your anger

a current you’re riding

verbal rage

spewing the hurt of neglect

sadly I thought

listening could help

“Get out of my fucking car,”

you said.

I’m angry now too

but I won’t say a word.

the hint

it’s

the overly sweet taste of

that Sunday and I’m remembering

the words about smiling

“Would it kill you to smile?”

finally

remnants of caramel and

chocolate and espresso

shallow breathing

trying to remain calm

because that is my only defense

if I can just be

I snapped

my own anger never a

yell

only hinted by sarcastic

jabs said steadily

more calm than you

monday

in the kitchen

in the one triangle of light

your smile is infectious

I’m glad we’re dancing

snitching cookie dough together

I’m so delighted that

we are us

the embrace of grace

grace has always been your arms

around me

holding me up

filling gaps

with substance

with love

with you

& every insufficiency
every "not enough"
pulls me only
to the full reality of
you

full & safe
weaknesses pulling me
nearer
what a beautiful heart
you have

oh,
you have always been
& you are
you will always be
enough

my car: a sanctuary

a little time in your

sunlight

& I’m unraveled

I’ll take a little more

my wind, my rain

I want 
it all

& looking up

the difference is

i'm rooted now

and looking up

eternal and open

i have expanded
because of you


green hues and an open field
and all that sky
remembering the life
rushing into
that moment
into me
when you found me
when grace became my song
and love my guide


because of you
i am infinite