I look out at the light show
Pretending the flicker of red and blue
Is celebrating Independence Day
Instead it’s a drug bust.

the cold, March night doesn’t even hint at summer
and I’m walking, walking
past the police man
crackling leaves undertow
undertones of courage sift by
as I fearlessly make my way towards the woods
wait, not fearless—I’ve got plenty of those
no, just passively going.
this isn’t bravery
simple unrest got me here
compelled by discontent
I run away.

pride is dangerous
i thought it was a good weapon
never got hurt
apathy my shield
because if I don’t care
you can’t hurt me
quite the mix for a good fall

so I’m running
running towards anything that could make me feel
feel anything but this gnawing emptiness
i push past everything familiar
tried it, not working
no, I need something concrete
and there you’re sitting.
in the darkness.
probably a good sign you’re no good.
but hey, I’m here too.
and it’s night.
—a good time to hide

i grab you for my journey
you’re wonderful
just can’t bring you home, is all
see, you see,
they wouldn’t understand
no, they wouldn’t
they’d judge you
but I won’t.
i can see you for you
isn’t that good enough?

but I’m tired
so tired
i don’t know if I can do this
I plop down,
and gently you scoop me up and carry me
i surely got carried away
all this attention
i regain my breath and
i finally realize it’s too dark to see who you are
turns out my night vision sucks

I demand to be let go.
you comply, but tell me to lead
Not leave.
the path splits in two, and I have no idea what to do
finally something I can’t ignore
No, no, no I cannot
I cannot tear wildly through this path I know ends badly.
how did I even get here?

well I didn’t take either path
i stopped there, then ran from THAT too
i’m lost
lonely dark woods
echo my cheap cries
cries for new scenery
left you back there (back where?)
left my way out, too

Falling, I cry for morning

But often light
Feels a lot like the law.
Sure, there’s freedom there
Right? I thought so?

Act II

Dashing in a slapdash sort of way
Raucous and abandoned
You startled me with affection
Starving, I accepted
Except I can’t anymore

Slipshod slip
That’s what this was
I’ll be the one to wreck
Our recklessness

I hardly know my own character
I wasn’t rehearsing lines
But you were?

(Although I was pretending.)

Hey
Our play’s over
Close the curtains

Morning to Night

Dash outside
Childhood journey
Backyard, past the duplexes, up that slight hill
Past illuminated by that east burning glow
Gulp in this morning
It will not last

Dash outside
Old judgments rise
Childhood journey
He didn’t say goodbye
Side door, pass the sycamore tree, black car
Past illuminated by that inward burning smolder
Gulp back those tears
Will it last?

Who's Driving My Thoughts?

Driving back to college
Listening to your message over and over
Barely audible over the roar of the engine
Audio clipping and tinny
Voice beautiful, regardless
You cheerfully race through the words
But with an infinitesimal hesitance
What else is on your mind?

Now drowning in music
The wheel slightly off-center
Forcing my hands to awkward positions
My knee locks up
Three hours of painted lines
I can't stand driving
Too slow
My mind races

Walking back from elementary
I focus on the metal gate at the end of the street
A short journey for the trucks
But so much longer on my small feet
I learned how to draw perspective in art
All the lines meet at one point
This road's not perfectly straight
I can't stand walking
Too slow
I run home

Pants-less and ironing
Need to do my shirt, too
I failed to realize I don't have nice shoes
I'll wear my dad's
They mostly fit
My heart's racing
I can't stand ironing
Too slow
I throw it all on and jump in my car

In a dark room filled with people
I'm whispering in your ear
Holding you as closely as possible
The song's over, but I won't let you go

Act I.

You tell me to lead,
Not leave
Well it’s simply not that simple

You see
My eyes are closed and I’m balancing
With hands clasped in yours
I feel safe
You truly make me happy
You choose where I go and I trust you
And I don’t have to have a say in this blind following

Leading instead of blindly following
Would suddenly make me responsible for where we go
Eyes opened, my balancing act would become reality
With a conscious decision I could no longer feign ignorance…innocence
I’d see the frowning spectators
Telling me to jump down off that shaky line

I want to lead
But
You see,
In order to lead, not leave
I’d have to leave a different reality
And I’m torn in this balancing act

There’s more than one thing to balance here
I’m begging you to see

doo do doo

singin’ at the crosswalk
cars zip by
blue skies
windows down
smiling forever

POW!

Division pretty much sucks
And if I had thought bubbles all the time
Showing my opposing thoughts
I’d look impossible

Collisions aren’t always bad
And if my thought bubbles
Popped into your mind
It might be possible
(To change)

We don’t live in an artificial comic book world, though
Nothing’s that bright

It’s my choice
To let people read me
Mostly, though, letting conflicting thoughts appear
Would burst my bubble

There’s no way to collide carefully

Choo choo!

I'm a train, constantly chugging along
I yearn for freedom
Independence from my path and my destination
but every detour I take loops me right back to where I started
I don't have control
yet I'm still unwilling to accept my conductor

If I derail again
just let me crash