the mental process illogically

love is feelings
and sometimes i don't feel them

if i only love you when you wear your hair up
does that make me a terrible person?
i mean it's just those curls

i know i'm depressed
which makes me better
i'm poised to swoop in and save myself
from this self-evident fate

love is a vacuum
it's a chore and it sucks

love is romance
but eventually that new smell goes away
and your sweet voice screeches
and you don't wear your freaking hair up any more

i know i'm sick
but i thought if i became as superficial as you
maybe you'd love me as much as yourself

love is a choice
and were i a better person
perhaps this would work

banana phone. ring!

yellow cardboard box of cheerios and a banana
this morning
breakfast is my favorite and you’re along
to share.

mugs as bowls; cheers to that.
catch up
about nothing and everything and something
or other.

go back go back go back
to ease
this weight lifted with a simple pinky
promise.

to people at church who never talked to me before now (oh, it's so emooo)

I relied on pieces of things categorized in little boxes
to guide me.
they were mine.

Alphabetized
Compartmentalized
Concealed & Labeled.
All mine.

I’m not depressed now that those silly boxes are gone.
I’m just a little lost.

I don't need more labels about what I've become.
I don't need you to tell me my future.
I don't need you to spell it out for me.
Maybe you should try walking with me.

we know

flash of a smile fragment for you and me and
for, according to you, whenever you’re “around”
forcibly reserved for Christmas and special occasions
basically we have to eat some sort of bird
or maybe a pig

I’m okay with miles and trees and houses and lives between us
just as long as we can pick up from where we left
each other like time between isn’t real
while we secretly bask in each other's smiles
as insecurities are undone without a word

Emptied to be Filled

I choose you and not me
I choose to be free
I want more of this love
this mystery

pouring out my heart
for you to pour in

I must have more
so I’ll give more

only you define me
create me

dance with me
whisper to me

love is what I’m looking for
and you are love
lovelier than life
so that’s what I’m giving
to find you

Forward in a Backward Way

I’m moving forward
momentum gaining
no slowing down
can’t change directions
I’ve lost control

so I guess this is the coarse
(did I even have a choice?)
of course,
and I decided to rip out the breaks
and loose the steering wheel
not even a seatbelt for some security

I feel like I’m flying downhill
but I know it’s still forward motion

Time Slipped Away

there’s a certain meter to this exchange:
I’m trying for 4/4,
exaggerating confidence and normality.
you clip at a 2/4 pace
2 word responses
eyes darting, snatching an escape

I’m sorry we’re not in sync anymore.
Maybe there's too much time
between us.
Should we catch up?