Wednesday, February 25, 2015

on perspective

 “I think you love more
deeply than I do,” and
I’m crying because he’s
right and there’s that
slowness that change,
a drowsy sort of animal
wanting to be alone. 
I’m long hair, careless. 
I care too much; that
horrible slowness,
skinning knees on
endless silent branches.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Shut Up, Benjamin Franklin


“In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
-Benjamin Franklin 1789


Where is the dead Benjamin Franklin?
I’d like to tell him a few things about
life.  Tidy one-liners may feel noble in
the mouth but they’re dust in stomachs.

Don’t fuck with me, with that dream:
the sprawling house, my money-husband
tucking 3.1 children into crisp textiles,
the sit-down salmon dinners with fresh

dill—my box without fear.  I've noticed
that in the Land of the Free, freedom
holds its twitchy hands with fear. Here
black men dangled from telephone poles

while postcards of the lynchings circulated
like Valentines.  Let the liberty bell ring
in unison with cries of women unable to
charge their husbands with rape, because

historically a man is allowed to claim his
property.  No, don’t tell me there are only
two certainties when 179 people have
been shot in Chicago since the beginning

of the year.  It is February.  It is only
February, and I must point out that even
cookie-cutter homes have fences.  Fear can
be merry and whitewashed in American

dreaming.  But it is still present.  400
people in the world have calcified
amygdalae, making them biologically
fearless.  For the rest of us, there’s fear.

my ghost's stream of consciousness

No playground shrieks, no sorting mulch.
No singing songs.
No jump rope strokes.

Dolls without eyes cannot be bothered.
Not once breathing.
Never watered.

Black light. 
Saline pleasure.
Phosphorescent sand dune dweller.
Cherish the desert.
Treasure the scamper.
Scorpions—they don’t get better.

Don’t tunnel anger—do what’s right.
Take your vitamins day or night!

Don’t give up the ghost; you can’t protest.
Calcified arms cannot transgress.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Rippling

Down the fragile limbs of the sycamore
time was gentle, softly blowing
when I was small.  It was easy

to stare at cornfields. But later I found myself
by the pond on the edge
of rippling stalks, tangled.  Time

was fast because I was as tall
as I’d ever be, because Grandma
had died in sunlight. I couldn't stop

wondering why, why,
why she looked through me from the hospital bed, why
 she clutched my hand violently.  It surprises me
         
that I’m still
devoted to her
fear.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

if heaven would come


it would be like that time in the small
upstairs kitchen when I watched my new
friend as she slowly cut cucumbers. mint fear

stopped rustling like the pines in
my grandparent’s backyard. somehow,

between bits of tabouli, we sank into
acceptance—an oil that fried us
until golden and light.

unbroken by peers and recess, by
the two streams of snot that used to drip
to Andy’s lips, smudging “unlovable”
across his face when he was barely six. whole despite
the summer before Junior High, when I traced
milkweed and train tracks, burning
because I could never date Josh Hershey
without cooler jeans and a better ass.

that evening we forgot to be “good enough.” I twisted
lemons and it felt like heaven.  wingin’ it, like jazz, we
were free.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

the time i said, "i hate you."

I
tumbled
frantic snapping
force.  I cut those lyrics
when I was  small in a stairwell. my
brother looked up at me from the bottom.
slowly, carefully, he said “you should never tell
anyone that you hate them.  you can’t ever take it back.”

Friday, January 2, 2015

soybean heart

mom used to say that I make mountains
(out of molehills).  I've had a long time to
ripen, but when things get too warm my soybean heart bursts spindly growths.  I don’t
have any business giving advice.
I've got no
business acting sturdy.  

Friday, December 12, 2014

This Morning

I looked into my roommate’s bedroom—on her
pillow, on the wood floor, in her trashcan there was
vomit. It struck me that the entire house seemed
calm.  Our aprons were still hanging in the kitchen. 
The throw blankets were still folded into a pile of
rectangles on the edge of the couch. Morning light
mixed with the scene.  I couldn't imagine 
waking to this, with the whole house so incredibly
orderly, then leaving only to come back 
to the stench after work. I don't know how to tell
her that the bottle of wine in the kitchen trashcan,
or the man she had over last night
can’t solve things.

When the Earth Tilts and the Snow Comes

Death and taxes are hardly the
cracking truth of 
life. After the ice broke, I was alone.  
I latched onto tidy little one-liners
like the rest of humanity.  But Benjamin 
I’m breathless in the white blur. Rough skin 
forms on my uncertainties. 


Monday, December 8, 2014

snow

when the snow poured from the sky
more intimately
than I could stand

he told me that he loved peanut butter

I blushed.  I couldn't tell him

the truth.
I needed him
        to be more honest.
                  I needed him.

I straightened up.  My room 
was spotless. My hair 
was flattened.  My teeth: sparkling.  
I got all all I wanted. Rigor mortis and
fucking A’s across the board.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014



in big prairie
do you remember the pulsing fuzzy
little aphids, the “snow-covered”
beech branches—gusting air to watch
the sea-saw sway of tail-ends

wiggling
or standing in the triangle of light (that hits the
center of your parent’s kitchen floor at 5:42 in
July) where we returned to the business of
disco?

I admit it. I rummaged through your childhood

collection of arrowheads, animal-skulls and soft
prismatic pink quartz.  that afternoon you returned

to your teenage-era punk-rock Christian love songs
while bats snaked and swooped, sketching wrinkles in

the pond
we dipped into after we settled on that rectangular
rock where you held my purple-mulberry-stained feet
remarking about my little
toe

barista haikus


The snap trap mundane

slap of minimum wage life

was murdering my



prefrontal cortex—

tamped and pulled and frothed into

nothing. Yep.  Nothing.



Watercoloring

with ballooned belly, jolly-

white-fur-faced “Santa”



between lattes was

sanity.  We quipped with words—

mostly in haiku-



form.  He was like my

grandfather.  I didn’t yet

know that raucous slurp



of entitlement. 

I did not know the slurring

sludge—the earth lust—how



later he would ask

if I would have a “quickie”

with him during work.



He was slinking slip-

shod switchblade “kindness”. Unzipped

synapses misfired.



I lacked pithy words—

boundaries to shed skin, to shake

off black cinder greed.



My anger teetered

between agency and help-

lessness.  The last won:



I simply asked his

order then made a caramel

mocha in silence.