stamps

i don't really understand what

life is about

some say it is about giving

but if you don't take then

you are always panting

always too tired

flinging my head back 

with a leather coat and my skinny jeans

i know you are looking at my butt

and i wanted you to kiss me

and all you wanted was for me to keep you warm

i slipped away late and felt

unwanted and 

alone

everyone has secrets and 

hidden little objects

everyone has little lies

that turn into realities

because focus is a powerful thing

because you become what you

believe

i don't think i'm alone ever

but why do i feel alone?

i don't understand the need for connection

when it is so rare

when bills are scattered around the floor

when i can't find the damn stamps

when such little trivialities take precedence over

holding your hand

i was never good at feeding myself

i was never good at laundry

i need a helper

i was babbling in the car 

we were going to look for rocks

and you scared me 

the sun right in my eyes

you scared me talking about 

npr and 15 year old consensual sex

i felt strange

you were a stranger i couldn't talk to

i want to be content with

little

i want to focus on 

the important

housed in the clarity of 

being wanted