asking for forgiveness

prayer

by your open door

it’s raining on me

you don’t even have a shirt on

you are hiding in a blanket

i can feel my pulse in my chest

i don’t know where to sit

i am glad, really

that it took this long

to return to your home
to see that you're human
to cry finally
and not be afraid

healing takes an openness
to see

yes i love you

you wouldn't give up on me
the emotion of it all
the focus
is dripping into my heart
my body
love is a strong word
yes.
i love you.

new

in the car
in the dirt
it is so terrifying to see
jealousy
as the waitress so easily gets you to talk

you are distracted by lights
glass
i am trying to catch your gaze
i am trying to open you
but are my efforts
boxing you in?

maybe i need to let go
back to day one
go back go back
back to day one
where we agreed to not hurt one another
where we agreed to take it day by day

you wanted
you waited
i can be steady
i can wait
i will trust

blur

there’s you

through bits

of trying to fill the hollow that life sometimes brings

a sadness that is free and vague

I expect better of myself

I expect more

a wind I ache for

makes it hard to see

my hair is now long enough

to fall in my eyes

sunlight is a blessing

but what happens when

I decide I need it

and it’s not around?

blurry-eyed and wanting

focus

wanting to shake this

unfamiliar distrust

wanting to forget scattered 

thoughts

I don’t want to use you

to gain clarity

I don’t just want to use you

to feel better

room 155 eating thai
it is pretty warm in this little room
and the piano sounds are a bit warped
i wish i had the confidence to
play to you what i know

\\

you look down and find
the best rocks by the creek
your collection all fossils and shapes
mine all color
now lined on my window sill
from biggest to smallest
are yours by the bathroom sink
in your parent's home?

//

the trees at night
and the buildings are more beautiful
slightly masked
highlighted by street lights
holding your hand and looking up

\\

in your car talking about

homes

and windows

and lots of color

and that mural that may become the lifetime work

rooftop gardens

clean lines

i like how you get to talking

and just don't stop

forgive

i can when
i remember how you
washed me in your grace

sinking into the water
the glow of the sun above
still
unbreathing

i am caught off-guard
when i see my own
decay
a darkness i want to hide

but one touch
one encounter with just the hem
of your robe
one word
one cleansing in your river

i am then
able to give so much
more

i am then able to see

past fear

"my dear, my dear

the only one limiting you

is you,"

I hear myself tell my friend

as I crumble the deteriorating porch step

with my right foot

concrete falling

risk

it

slide guitar and windows cracked

it’s folk Friday on NPR

it is June and so cold

You are here in my

Bones

the cadence of your steadiness 

in the rise and fall

of the sun

of my breathing chest

in my listening and in my chatter

You are here in my DNA and

You are supplying the faith

enough faith

for today

be near me 

let your presence urge me

forward

let your spirit grow

me 

to struggle past fear

the streams he couldn’t control

the rush that knocked down fortifications

truths I

operated under

things I didn’t even know

steadied me

the unfastening

has taught me to second guess

what an ugly

wound