lead me

bloodied knees

will come

I'm ashamed again

breaking into dirt

I hope you love me

past my flaws

I hope you accept my

weak unsteady footing

I'm doubting

but my love is

honest

you see

more than me

strong lover

you are a leader that

makes me brave

You sing

communication isn’t necessarily lots of words

I’m

on the guitar

a hum, a learning with the pull

there is a sound that reminds me of You

a longing

in the 7^th of the chord

a tendency to want

want want

there’s a particular attention You give in the quiet

I’m learning that love is consistent

You are consistent

when sound ends you remain

tangible 

in the gracious way

You show up

I’m unhinged again

and again

a cadence

you chose

cake batter ice cream

and exclaimed about the sun

so large in the hazy Ohio evening

wiggling in my Toyota
to my npr podcast

you make me smile, boy

there is something so familiar about you

a brother

proven when you met my mom

(she immediately loved you)

I wish you could know 

now

that you don't need 

the acceptance you desire
I wish you could know
in your pulse
that you are enough

grace is always more

the familiarity of the way you

grab my heart

never with

force

only with tenderness

that familiar fear that 

I won't be 

enough

but grace is more

grace is always more

tuesday

saturated color

dipping our heads in the pond

looking at pink sky and corn fields

upside-down

the earth seems ridiculously curved

golden skin and murky

cold waters

it was the hottest day of the year

and our legs are finally soothed

monday evening

pulling you up as mud cakes your sandals

tears in your eyes about stars

I understand this emotion

I knew we would be friends

and I could cry about the fit

about how you say that you always had a sense that

God exists

the golden evening on your parent’s porch

we exist

slowly

like children unaware of

how summer will end

I have this sense

you are

with earth and sycamore and

water

eyes shining

both hands up

I have this sense that your love has the rare depth

of excitement

it is a privilege to love you as

a sister

july

you cannot ever have it all

isn’t that the point?

to want and

desire

feeling the lack and hitting the wall

again to climb

the passion of pursuit

there’s a joy in seeking

my dear

hard work has its own payoff

holding your hands

praying again for rain

it has rained all july

holding your head

underneath is

a little boy

and I want to grow with you

I want to grow 

I made feelings

an idol

I am not enough in my own mind

burrow in your skin

to feel closer

to have your sticky shoulders

I don’t know how to 

let go

I am screaming for comfort

to be enough.

covered in your skin to just
forget
to protect the little I house
to silence the idol
I hate.